So, Saturday was our family get together. What a fantastic day it was!!. Really can't explain how awesome it was to see everyone, a whole lot of laugh's and fun. Bit of a guess the song game, using my playlist (sorry about that haha), really nice picture wall made by Dad and Lisa showing pics of me in the younger days. Couple of takeaways for us all to enjoy and just genuinely a brilliant day (MASSIVE THANKS TO EVERYONE INVOLVED). Bit of a rest day Sunday a part from recording the podcast, did feel a bit tired to be fair. Today hasn't been the best, woke up late and when I got in the shower I had a fall, ended up having to call Lisa for help as I was stuck. Thankfully no real damage done, just a sore knee and shoulder. Had some issues throughout the day, with numbness in my legs being worse than normal, quite a few odd pains in my head and face as well. Have to say all issues to one side. Since I've had that realisation that I needed to ask for help, I really have felt a lot more positive about things, like it has given me lot's more determination.

Hi, All. hope you're doing well. Actually sat this evening and wrote a new poem for the first time in a few months, writing is seriously therapeutic. In no way am I any type of professional writer, but, really do enjoy it and find no matter how bad things are, putting some music on and letting words come out, either on paper or on the laptop, by the time it's all done I always seem to see things a bit brighter. think maybe without noticing it I've found something else to call a hobby. Tomorrow is our big family get together, which, have to say I'm looking forward to. Kinda gutted we wont be out in the garden due to the rain, but still, should be a great day. Having some issues the last few days with my legs and back, along with lots of shock pains firing around all over my body as well as massive tiredness. MS sure is keeping me on my toes lately.

40!!!! yes, 40... Yesterday I finally hit that number. What a day it was, family afternoon out at 10 pin bowling, absolutely loved it. Not had that much fun in ages (my team won haha), have to be honest I was really worried that because of the MS issues I'd not be able to play, but, thanks to the FES machine I not only managed to play, but, even got 2 spares and 2 strikes in the second game. Got some great bits like a canvas with all my social media details on to hang in the 'studio', a really nice top and a book. Had a nice takeaway for dinner and lovely cake after, enjoyed my free cake and coffee from Costa earlier in the day. Honestly, massive thank you to my family for making it such an incredible day.

In a few hours I'll no longer be in my 30's. Not sure why, but, kinda feels like a big deal haha. Really looking forward to a family outing tomorrow for a game of 10 pin bowling. Have a feeling it might be a little tough to play, but, absolutely no way MS is stopping me have this fun, I'll find a way to throw that ball down the lane no matter what. Pleased I'm getting back on to the social media side of things, think that was a big miss when I'd taken that break from it. Had the phone call from the mental health charity on Monday, it was quite productive. Now waiting on a call to let me know when the first face to face appointment will be, the not so good thing is it's likely to be long wait, due to me seeing someone that specialises in helping those with long term health conditions. Fingers are crossed it isn't too long but either way at least it's heading in the right direction. Only a few days until our family get together, again really looking forward to it, shame the weather isn't playing fair... Ok, I wasn't going to mention it, but, WHERE IS OUR SUMMER?!… personally I'm a massive fan of summer, the warm (not hot), not much rain, BBQ weather cant remember a July being like this for a very long time. Please give us some sunshine in August haha, would love the ability to get out on my scooter and just enjoy some time outdoors.

This weekend ha been fun, the streaming has been quite hard but fun. I've been really trying to learn how to properly stream games and how to make videos from the streams, really odd playing a game and looking at yourself. Defiantly going to continue on with it as tough as it is I've taken it as a challenge to make it successful. On Saturday night jumped onto a live on social media, really enjoyed it to start with, had some good chats and really enjoying it, until... around half hour in, started getting some quite odd comments like being called 'daddy', 'uncle' and then other comments started including one person making a very nasty comment about Lisa, my wife. these comments went on for well over an hour, I had to block lot's of accounts as the comments became very personal and at times quite abusive (will not put the nasty ones on here). I do think that the social media companies should be a lot more proactive in dealing with trolls and bot accounts, but, as horrible as it was the good people in the live actually made it very worth while. in all over 2000 people came into it with around half being good, nice people. I have to say it has really lit a fire in me to make a difference no matter what trolls try to do to stop that.

Tough thing to write about... I've finally accepted something I've known for a few months, due to everything that has happened over the last year I have been feeling very low and very down. As hard as it has been I have done everything possible to hide the problems and issues that I've been struggling with, but finally realisation hit me last night that the 'mask' I'd been wearing for a long time now needed to come off and I felt like it was time to make a change. this morning I contacted my doctors and was passed on to a mental health charity to get the support I need. This has been such a difficult thing to admit, as I say it's been something I've know for a while now but, didn't want to admit it, well I'm glad that it's now out in the open. Posted a video explaining it all on both Instagram and TikTok, the support from not just the MS community but everyone as a whole has been incredible!. Really can't explain how grateful I feel for all of the support that's been sent my way. Thinking back it really does seem to me that the catalyst for these feelings goes back to when I had to say goodbye to work, but it is my belief the whole thing goes back to the day the GP told me to expect the diagnosis of MS, don't think I ever actually processed what was happening but now I feel ready to, really and truly after asking for help today I've felt like a tiny weight has been lifted. Although I'm well aware this is going to take a lot of work to get through I'm fully ready for that.

Well, this isn't very comfortable. Sat here this evening and the MS hug is absolutely kicking my a** , feeling like my rib cage is in a vice. It's not been too bad during the day, but in the last hour or so (currently 21:05) it's gone about as bad as its ever been. No explanation for it, for once I've not over done things, in fact it's been a very chilled day. Had a trip out and grabbed a coffee with Lisa and Dad on our way to go shopping, staff in the coffee shop were fantastic and even advised us to download the app as we go in quite a lot, even to the point enough points are already on the app that I get a free drink on the next visit, also, on my birthday (might be close) a free cake (lemon drizzle, NOM NOM). Walking round shopping, normal aches and pains, had to turn the FEZ up a couple of times to fight the footdrop, but still the hug wasn't like this.

so, tonight we went out to go and see a show at the local Guild Hall. What a fantastic show it was... The Carpenters Experience Tribute Show, playing all the old classic tunes by the Carpenters. don't think I stopped singing along all night haha poor people around me lol, really did have such a good time. every member of the band were brilliant, even down to the guitarist playing a solo with his teeth (incredible to see, just WOW). loved every minute of having a night out with Lisa and Dad. I was determined to just have fun and enjoy the evening, had no end of issues all day including electric shock type feelings on my face, legs and arms but, no way was I allowing that to take away this night out. Sat writing this blog and still buzzing from it haha, it's been many years since I've been to a gig like that (not counting any I did security at), made me realise how much I miss seeing live music, know I'll never get in another mosh pit at a metal gig again, but still defiantly wont stop me keeping my eye out for a good band top go and see.

Well this is unusual, the third blog in as many days. I'm really enjoying doing more writing. Today has been a very busy day, went to meet Lisa from work and we headed into town. Needed some clothes hangers to go in the new wardrobe. Enjoyed my ride down on the scooter, had music on (just 1 earphone) and just enjoying being out. Had a chat with a couple of friends as well, when we got home, Dad put our drawers together for us and then came the fun part haha. Whoever said decorating was a good idea needs a good talking to lol getting everything back to being tidy is hard work and to be fair me doing my usual of trying to push myself wayyyy to hard, the pain is quite bad now but in all honesty I'll take it if it means I'm doing what I can. I know it may sound a bit crazy but I will not give in unless I absolutely have to. counting down now to our big family get together, BBQ and lots of laughs sounds AWESOME. I did add a little section to the website yesterday where I give a very brief explanation of what MS is, I am quite nervous about writing that type of thing because I am not medically trained (First Aider only) and I don't want to give incorrect advice, but, lets be fair I want to help people understand about the condition so from time to time I will fact check things and post up to try and pass on that information.

Ok, so lets jump straight in. lets talk about how MS is currently effecting me and how it's making me feel... I've kind of kept some bits to myself from time to time about how MS is effecting me. I think it's time to fully explain, from day 1 of my diagnosis I've been desperate to keep as positive as possible, that's not always been easy to achieve. Over the last year my mobility has gone from slightly impaired to cant walk more than a few meters without awful pain and massive struggle, yes the FES ( functional electrical stimulation) machine has helped massively when walking short distances, I feel safer and more confident, but,  I can't walk any further than without it. Walking any type of distance is very painful and now causes me to feel exhausted, thankfully using my mobility scooter (Eleanor) helps me get a round longer distances or I'd feel very restricted. I'm learning to wheel my wheelchair myself, but, that really is hard and will take a bit more practise for sure. Fatigue is a real issue currently, any kind of effort and I'm beat, the pains in my legs and back at times are hard to even explain not to mention my 'Hug' which never goes away, some days are definitely better than others with that but never get a day without feeling it. The numbness in my legs which I've had for many years again is a big problem but one I'm use to. I do struggle with my short term memory a lot, that is quite frustrating but since taking the Lions Mane Mushroom tablets I've noticed a bit of an improvement. All in all over the last year MS has given me a real kicking and at times it has broken me emotionally, absolutely tears have been shed and anger has come out. As mentioned a while back I've gone back to playing guitar to try and help me relax, started to play Xbox, Gardening is now a big passion and helps me centre myself. This website, podcast and social media channels I've created also help to get things off my chest and if by doing that at least 1 other person can find some help or support then its well worth while. 

Well it's been a really busy time, getting the decorating done and finished, had a couple of meetings to go to as well as the second appointment in Sheffield for the FES machine, along with doing some bits to try and get back in to work. It has all taken its toll a bit, I've been struggling a lot with fatigue due to over working myself. The other night I actually was so exhausted that when I sat on the bed I dropped off and didn't realise until the following morning that I'd slept, even to the point Lisa had hoovered our room, got me ready for bed all without me knowing. The MS has been causing me a few issues of late, that hasn't been helped by me refusing to listen to my body when its needed a rest, the pains I've been getting in my legs and back have been absolutely awful, as I said the fatigue has been giving me a real kicking. I am fighting through as best I can because I am determined to not give in.