Only one way to start. It's our wedding anniversary today 😊💕💖 4 years married to the most incredible woman, I'm a very lucky man and so grateful to have found the love of my life.

Saturday we had some family over for a BBQ. The weather was fantastic, so would have felt wrong not to make the most of it, really enjoyed seeing everyone and just having some time to relax. Before that my new chair arrived, have to say having sat in it for a long time Sunday night it was worth every penny. Recorded the podcast very late in the day and then went on to do a late night stream on Twitch, it's now 02:20 and I'm sat writing this blog, this late night stuff might take some getting use to haha. Getting into this new way of life a little now, it is so hard not being able to go out to work but, finding these new things to do, to keep me going feels like such a positive thing. Well to finish off tonight, I'm going to say a massive well done to our lionesses. Unfortunately the result today isn't what everyone hoped for, but, just to get to a world cup final is a massive achievement. the whole team should be so proud of what they did achieve, I for one am mega proud of each and every member of the squad and all of the staff. 4 years time and who knows, maybe just maybe, we go one step further. 

Yesterday I made a big decision. I'd mentioned that when the stream for MS was on that I would look to take streaming games a bit more seriously. Well yesterday a screen and capture card were purchased, they arrived today and I also bought a new chair for when I'm recording and streaming... while I'm talking about the chair... found a really nice comfy office chair in a local shop for £259, really liked it and went to buy it, the member of staff explained that they had issues with the shops ordering system and they couldn't promise when it would arrive, so I thanked them and left without the chair. Dad said about looking online for it, I did, WHAT A RESULT!. Same chair online £205, no delivery charge. Buzzing, such a good saving. Did my first proper stream today, really enjoyed it, had a few people drop in and watch. This is all part of me fighting back against MS, just because going out to work is no longer an option, it doesn't mean I sit and do nothing, the streaming stuff could, maybe one day start to bring in some money to help me provide for the family. Time will tell on that, but, no way I'm putting myself on the scrap heap just yet haha.

Over the last few days I'd noticed a new issue that seemed to start totally randomly. A couple of days ago I was feeling a little tired after dinner so had a little nap on the sofa, when I woke up had this really odd vibrating feeling all over my body. Not something I'd ever felt before, it was really strong and just wouldn't stop, sat and recorded a video for the social media accounts explaining about it. Thankfully the response from friends was fantastic and gave some good advice, as well reassured me. I did report it the following morning as it was still going on, during the course of that day the feeling did lessen. That evening had a great time doing a live on TikTok chatting with some friends and again explaining what the feeling was. Now a couple of days have passed and that feeling seems to have gone, hoping it doesn't come back, but, as we know with MS anything is possible. 

Well time really does fly!. It only seems a couple of months ago that I had the thought of opening up about my journey with this awful, evil and down right shi* condition. I wanted to get my story out in the open, in the hope that one day, hearing about how I cope would help somebody else handle a similar diagnosis. Yes the podcast is only very small, it isn't professionally done, I have zero training or even knowledge about what it takes to produce a podcast, but, every week I sit in the shed and I talk. Mainly getting things off my chest, which helps me a whole lot more than I realised it would. Yes MS has caused me to go through some really bad times, I've gone from walking a mile and a half to work, to no longer employed due to the condition, I can't walk more than a few yards before pain and tiredness kick in, my mental health has suffered also. Well you know what!, I'm so proud of the podcast and massively grateful to each and every person that listens in.  Just this week a new country was added to my list of nations that have tuned in. I really hope someone, somewhere has heard my story and found it even in the smallest bit helpful. The podcast will continue and I really hope to learn new things to make it even better for those that listen. Finally, let's not forget this website, blog, social media and YouTube. All of it makes me so proud and again I say I have no training with any of this, but, fumbling though is fun, it makes me proud and I love doing it all. I enjoy speaking to new people and connecting with people worldwide.

I've mentioned before about assisting with a study into memory issues in MS. Today I had a meeting and under went some tests as part of that study. On the first set of tests 3 months ago, I found it almost impossible to remember things, even to the point after the meeting I felt so upset and scared about how my memory was. I did make the decision to try the Lions Mane tablets which, I'd been told could help with memory by some other MS'ers. Over the past few weeks I have been noticing my memory seems a bit better (far from perfect but better), during today's tests, although it was a struggle, it genuinely seemed as though I could remember more than before. I wont go into what the tests are, but, honestly at the end of the meeting I felt quite positive. Have to say, assisting with these types of studies gives me a sense of real pride, that I can give something very small back to this community. Also today, we have booked to go and see a Beatles tribute band for next month, really looking forward to that.

Think the antibiotics are having the right effect, last couple of of days things have been improving. Actually had proper dinner and not had to squeeze food into the smallest little opening haha. Still having issues with pains in other places and very wobbly on my legs but, at least now eating isn't so hard. Now for a real positive thing, the sun is out it's 19:35, I'm sat in the studio (shed) blogging, listening to music and just relaxing for a bit, feeling so good about things. Looked at the podcast today and I've realised the next show is the 50th full episode, really want to do something good for it, but I'm not sure what haha (any requests would be good?). getting so close to the MS Society walk in London next month, can't wait for it to be fair. On Friday I've got a meeting on teams with one of the MS medical studies that I'm assisting with, this is the memory one, really found it hard last time. Hoping the Lions Mane tablets have had a little bit of an effect, really feel like they have if I'm honest but now it will be the real test. 

In my last blog I'd said I thought I'd messed up, well... defiantly didn't help myself doing that walk down the road, but, that may have just been a bit of the problem. Literally the following day started to get pain in the right side of my jaw, totally something I've felt before. Tried to ignore it along with the pains in my legs, back and the hug. unfortunately that wasn't possible and when I woke the next day a nice bit of swelling around the area, unable to open my mouth fully and lot's of pain. Knowing what the issue is I contacted the doctor and asked for some antibiotics, thankfully the doctor agreed that it was most likely a saliva gland infection, OUCH!. Lots of rest has helped it a bit, still very painful and can't quite open my mouth that much to eat, but, still doing what I can to get food down me. Now then... I'm around 4 weeks away from my next Ocrevus infusion, things have been seeming a bit hard with MS issues, sorry that's an understatement... struggling quite a lot if I'm totally honest. Pain seems to be ramping up and just all my usual symptoms seem to be getting worse. Suppose the positive thing is, nothing new seems to be happening, just all the normal stuff. Know that people had explained to me that the closer you get to the next infusion it's possible to get what has been dubbed the crap gap. I can't say for sure that's what's going on, but, kinda does make sense. Well if it is then at least I know what I'm dealing with. Currently sat in the Studio, with my music on getting ready to record this weeks podcast, music really does help!. giving me a real drive to fight through and not let things stop me.

I try and post as much positive stuff as I can but, today I did something really silly and now, I'm suffering. So, we have some works being done on our road starting tomorrow, the information we've been given to explain it all by the council was very poor, it didn't really explain things at all. This afternoon we had the workers come and start to put the cones out and signs up. I thought I'd be really smart and go and chat with them to find out the information, I grabbed a stick and headed out, I then tried to get the FES machine to work haha. At this point it was very clear I'd put the wrong trainers on so the FES couldn't work, now then... realising I couldn't use the FES I should have turned around and gone home (was no more than 20 feet from home!). Nope, trying to be a hero I carried on walking down the road, foot dragging like mad, pain all down my back and legs. Not surprisingly never caught up with the workers then had to turn around and head home. Since then the pain has been absolutely awful, not just pains to be fair, I have just felt terrible and moving around at home has been very tough. Long day tomorrow thankfully mostly sat down in the car, but, when I'm out and about the wheelchair will defiantly be needed. Advice to myself... DONT TRY AND BE A HERO! remember my new limitations and work with them, not push so far past that you do damage.

WOW, what a day. This has turned out to be a very long and busy day, I'd hoped to be able to do a couple of blogs during the day, but, it has just been kinda rushed. It took  3 hours to get the seaside, I got to look at my favourite roller-coaster from a distance, but didn't get time to have a ride, some chips for lunch and then off to our appointment. That went quite well and has given some food for thought but, also, now another line of thought has opened. So another trip down might have to happen, train this time though as the 6 hour car ride isn't happening again anytime soon haha. Lovely walk along the sea front and then to the shopping centre, have to say the FES machine really helped massively but I did use the wheelchair lots. I did have a sleep on both the way down and back again ( wasn't me driving, I don't drive.) still incredibly tired now though, can't wait for a night snoring my little head off... hang on, nooooo, I don't snore hahaha. Well I've never heard it so that must be the case lol.

Can't wait until tomorrow, heading out to my favourite seaside. It's a long journey, but, fingers crossed very worthwhile. Not just going to have a fun day out, this COULD be a life changing visit (In a good way). Honestly excited is a massive understatement haha.

Things are a bit tough at the moment, really struggling with the hug mainly around the left side of my ribs. It's been feeling like something is crushing me inside, also noticed lot's of pains in my left leg. Now let me talk how I'm not giving in!... as hard as things seem currently, I look at things as positively as I can, yes it hurts, yes I feel rough and yes MS is giving me a hard time, but, I'm working on ramping things up with the social media and pushing myself to find an outlet for things. Writing poetry is so much fun and helps me to get thoughts out of my head, also the podcast lets me have a release. Creating video's for YouTube by playing games is a lot of fun (even if some comments are just not nice, I just remove them). Listening to music and even having a sing along is very calming. Accepting that I need to rest sometimes has also helped, feel a lot better when I've had some rest. I know it's been said before but 'I have MS, MS doesn't have me!!'. Acceptance is becoming key, learning what my new limitations are and working around them.